Judging a Douche by His Beer

Did you know that you can tell a lot about a person by the beer they drink? Yup. Its true and here's how...

1. the Fratty Light

Here we see members of the Fratty Light species. This breed loves to get totally ripped both in the gym and in the house, bar or at the tailgate. You'll often find them traveling in packs. Identifying characteristics include popped collar, sideways/backwards hat, ill-fitting abercrombie or AE shirt, puka shell necklace, tribal tattoo, gelled hair and chin-strap beard. So you know its douchey.

They drink Natural Light because it is cheap. Which comes in handy when you are broke and need to buy in large enough quantities to intoxicate the entire herd.

2. the Discount Hipster

Ah, the Discount Hipster. Look at you! You're just so hip and trendy. You listen to the newest music, wear the latest fashions. Aren't you just making the scene. But what's that you're drinking? Pabst Blue Ribbon? Well, that's ironic. PBR is normally associated with white trash but here you are drinking it and looking quite stylish.

Hipsters drink PBR because they think it makes them look like they just don't care. Yes, they're too cool to be tied down to the mainstream. In fact, they are SOOOO cool that they make PBR cool by association. Nope, they won't conform. Even though they all look the same, dress the same, have the same interests, drink the same drinks, eat the same foods, etc. Screw you conformity!

3. the Impresser

"Hey, we're at the bar! Well, I guess we should get drinks. Hmmm...I don't really like beer but I want one so people will think that I'm cool because I'm drinking. Let's see. Oh, I know. I'll get a Heineken. I think its imported which means I'll also look like I know a lot about beer. Also, girls will think that I'm rich because it's probably expensive. Here's your quarter tip."

4. Redneck Jr.

Git-R-Dun. By God!!! Redneck Jr. ranges from 18-40 years old, watches NASCAR (a lot), only enjoys the comedy of Larry the Cable Guy and Jeff Dunham, owns 3 or more camouflage hats, has a a sticker on his truck that tells you what type of exhaust is on said truck, LOVES George W. Bush, eats well done steak with ketchup, chews canned tobacco and claims to only listen to country music but owns at least 5 rap CDs.

5. the Cool Guy

The Cool Guy is easily confused with "the Impresser." Neither like beer. Both are only drinking beer because it has a label and a mixed drink might be confused as just water or soda. Each choose imports because they think it makes them look knowledgeable about beer and like a big spender.

The difference? Cool Guys drink Corona because their commercials are relaxed and care free. By drinking Corona the Cool Guy feels like he is giving off this vibe and that all the girls will want to relax on a beach with them. Oh and they get to put a lime in their beer which makes it taste unbeerlike. Also, they think it looks cool to put their finger in their beer and flip it upside down.